Did you know that Americans spend an average of 6.5 billion cards annually?* Can you guess which category is the most popular? Yep, birthday cards.* Despite the convenience and immediate gratification of texts and tweets (we're not a fan of either, truth be told), people still value the personal touch of hand-selecting birthday cards. And while it can be hard to find just the right one for each person (can you really send that Broad City card to mom?), so too is writing a funny message. Read on for some zingers. But be forewarned, our humor is a little Adventure Time, a little Archer, and a lot Tim and Eric. Oh, snap! You're welcome.
Mom
If your mom is anything like ours (or better yet, not) she'll surely appreciate this sentiment: Forget all your dashed hopes and dreams, you've got me! Happy birthday, mom!
Dad
What would make your old man laugh? Try this: Don't worry, dad. Next year we'll all chip in for a nice rug.
Sister
Whether she's older or younger than you: Remember, age is just a number. Good luck with this one. Love ya, sis!
Brother
Trust us on this one: Happy birthday to my brother from another mother.
Dog
If I were as old as you in dog years, I'd be dead. Happy birthday, best friend!
*Greeting Card Association